Saturday, March 24, 2012

March Monstrosities

Yes, as you can see for yourselves if you've been to a multiplex this season, it is the time when the studios dump their trash at a theater near you. Unfunny comedies, inept attempts at action-thrillers; just another dose of March monstrosities. . . .

Tom Hardy, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Pine, This Means War, 20th Century Fox, 2012.

Hack helmer McG is back on trash duty with a cringe-worthy script by the tone deaf duo of Tim Dowling and Simon Kinberg; Reese is lost, and her career feels lost as well, in this painful attempt at action-romanic comedy. Tom Hardy is eye candy but Chris Pine is underwhelming once again. After the atrocity of Charlie's Angels and the offensiveness of the sappy We are Marshall, McG recouped with the excellent Terminator: Salvation. Looks like he's back where he started.

Act of Valor, Relativity Media, 2012.

Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh make a ridiculously unimpressive debut with the mediocre Act of Valor. The main problem is a terrible script by Kurt Johnstad; the directors try to go from there, and although they do get in a couple of semi-impressive set pieces, the acting is so wooden and the staging so boring that the overall effect is aversion.

Project X, Warner Brothers Pictures, 2012.

The teen sex comedy and the wild party movie get a kick in the corpse from apparently untalented Nima Nourizadeh and shitty scripters Matt Drake and Michael Bacall's cliched, idiotic Project X. Odious, badly acted, and utterly unrelenting.

Amanda Seyfried, Gone, Summit Entertainment, 2012.

 Doe-eyed Amanda Seyfried makes a run for the action-heroine thriller and fails miserably in the God-awful Gone. Alison Burnett's script is a study in agressive minimalism; its horrible. Interesting enough, he previously wrote a film I love, Robert Benton's Feast of Love. Talented Brazilian director Heitor Dhalia makes a botched English-language debut, and yet, some of his compositions are beautiful and startling. A great cast (Jennifer Carpenter, Daniel Sunjata) more familiar from cable television, is wasted on a preposterous plot.

Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston, Wanderlust, Universal Pictures, 2012.

David Wain is probably the only other director on here I would defend. His films Wet Hot American Summer, The Ten, and Role Models, are all funny and well-made. His new film, the mid-life crisis couple joins an upstate commune "comedy" is a painfully unfunny film which drags the talented Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston through the mire. The weak script is complemented by bland visuals for one of the more unpleasant recent studio comedies. Justin Theroux seems to be the only one having a good time; gotta love him. A major career slump for all involved, lets forget about it right now.

Eddie Murphy, A Thousand Words, Dreamworks Pictures, 2012.

Last, and quite possibly least, is hack extraordinnaire Brian Robbins' wretchedly akward A Thousand Words. Steve Koren's lame script is only trumped by Robbins' wack direction and Eddie Murphy's sad mugging. The once-great comedic star seems truly washed up. This just feels like yet another nail in the coffin that has become his career.

And so, another March has come and gone. At least now we've cleared the table for some great films which will be trickling out of last year's international film festivals for the next few months, even into Summer!

No comments:

Post a Comment